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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being too lazy that I don`t even do anything about it.
TV and the Internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public.
If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you’re probably holding the taser wrong.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Someone asked me today what was the toughest thing about being a parent ... I would have to say it’s the kids.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.