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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
Why isn`t a menu board at a coffee house called JavaScript?
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Did you know that doughnuts make your clothes shrink?
High fiving was the original "like".
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
"in other news… it turns out being mayor of Toronto is all that its cracked up to be" - George T. Ignace
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.