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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
I`m now at the age where if I see a nice nursing home, I make a mental note of it.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
Unless you fell off the stairmaster and a barbell fell on your face... no one wants to hear about your workout.
Spoiler alert: Your `97 Nissan Sentra doesn`t need one.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.
i like boobs