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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
I am so deep in the friendzone I have been introduced to her boyfriend`s parents.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.