Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
I hate that I have to put on clothes to participate in society.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
If listening to stupid people burned calories, I`d be a supermodel.
I think, therefore i`m single.
It`s fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car`s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That`ll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.