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Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
My innocent look never works in the nude.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
Cops love donuts…. just not when you do them on a four lane highway.
When setting the table, does the remote go to the left or the right of the dinner plate?
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet