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Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Fact: If you eat a slice of pizza fast enough, your body won`t understand how many calories are in it.
I once dated a Rockette with Tourette`s. Talk about kicking and screaming!
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
I play hard to get along with.