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How can so many movies be “based on real events” when no one farts?
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
I just ended a long-term relationship today ... I’m ok though, it wasn’t mine.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they`re stabbing it? No? How about now?
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead...
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
Lets all take a minute and realize the lack of creativity in the name "fire place"
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.