Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
If it weren`t for WebMD I would have never known what symptoms to mimic so I could get all these prescriptions from my doctor.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
How do I tell a man he loves me?
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
If your buttcrack is showing out of your pants. I will drop change in it and make a wish.
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.