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When I want to trim down my friend`s Facebook list I give my opinion and let nature do the rest.
A Smart car Zoomed past me And vanished into a pothole.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
I cant afford a Snuggie so I just wear my robe backwards...
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
It’s funny how 1 text, 1 song, 1 mistake, 1 lie, 1 truth, and 1 person could change your mood in 1 second.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
why we do not have a romance class...............
"Sir your phone`s ringing." "Yeah, phones do that."
I bet the Fantastic 4 were just pretending to have a girl in the group. "Uh yeah she`s just invisible right now. She`s totally real though."
When I "rage against the machine" the machine is usually a printer.