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Insert coin to view my status message.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
That awkward moment when you go for a run and your boobs start to bounce up and down.......and you`re a guy.
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"
The only thing preventing me from smashing my alarm clock at 6am is the fact that it’s my cellphone.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
My coworkers and I do this fun thing where they say `It`s so cold out!` and I say `It`s winter` and then we silently hate each other.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
I don`t gamble. I don’t drink. My one vice is my iPhone. Well, that and lying about drinking and gambling.
Today`s subliminal thought is: …
I’m thinking there’s some type of filter that prevents normal people from like my page
Good thing I`m judged on my actions and not my thoughts.
If a dwarf smokes weed does he get high or medium?