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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
You can steal my status updates whenever you want, but just remember that I lick every single one before I post them...
If this world got any smaller I`d probably fall off - George T. Ignace
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
Relationship status: Private. The only way for it to be.
Don’t expect a β€œbless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
I had your cake and ate it too.