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Five years ago my boss asked me where I wanted to be in five years. I finally know the answer: Not Here
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Boys are like roses, watch out for the pr!cks...
Childless people wondering what it`s like to have some kiddos? Make a lovely healthy breakfast. Take it and throw it all over the floor.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
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Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.