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Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
"Polar bears can`t jump." - Black bears
My favorite thing about naps is that I don`t have to talk to people during them
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
McDonalds ... closing thigh gaps since 1967.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
I dream about naps.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.