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I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I`m just a few smartphone apps away from never having to talk to anyone again.
Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
The boss said I should let my creative juices flow. What he doesn’t know is that my creative juices are vodka and cranberry.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please, take them off.
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.