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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.