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I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? ... Turkey bacon."
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
The funniest thing about this Facebook status is by the time you realize it doesn`t say anything important, it`s to late for you to stop reading it ... sucker
Too bored to do nothing. Too lazy to do anything.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Life is like a bowl of soup; you only get blown if you’re hot.