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Super Bowl Sunday, the one day of the year that DVR`s are used to watch commercials, instead of skip them!
I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Pool is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.