Daily Silly Status

My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!

"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk

Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.

Exaggerations went up a million percent last year.

Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...

Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.

I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.

is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.

I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.

Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.

Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...

When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.

If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.

I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....

?"May contain nudity".. either it does or it doesn`t.. quit waistin` my time.