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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
I used to be a camera man in the porn industry but it became too hard...
If I had the money I`d hire 2 private investigators to follow each other
Pro tip: when you`re watching a show like "my five wives" with your wife, don`t suggest potential additional wives.
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Some of you take selfies from so close up, I`m beginning to wonder if you`re a T-Rex.
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the F#%K are you?
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
How Big is Infinity?