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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
I don`t hate anyone. I just don`t like people.
when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
How did anybody express anger before the invention of the caps lock key?
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
If your friends tell you not to give in to peer pressure and you don`t: technically, you did