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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
My idiot future husband is out there somewhere pushing a pull door. I just know it.
Well aren`t you a f*cking waste of two billion years of evolution.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?