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So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
In space they just call it "Jam"
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
I`m awesome...just ask me...!!!!
Every new day means new opportunities... to make mistakes and f*ck things up.
How can there be more horses asses than there are horses?
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
My stove top knob reads, LO | 2 | 4 | 6 | 8 | 10 | HI......so what is Med-High, Medium Low?...They just need to lay it out for me in numbers! Like "set stove top to 8." no wait, 9.? Food manufacturerers and stove manufactuerers need to get toghether on this! So let me see,..... (me thinking)....if ten is high...5 is medium that means 7.5..... WAIT!.....low would be 0 so HI would be 12???....WTF!!! forget about simmer!........HEY KIDS! WHO WANTS PIZZA!
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"