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I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
good boys go to heaven bad boys go every where
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
Even though I`m only 29, I know I`m going to die a bitter, lonely, miserable old man ... I`m married.
Textaphrenia – thinking you’ve heard or felt a new text message vibration when there is no message.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Having a dog around pretty much denies any opportunity to take advantage of the 5 second rule
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my girlfriend how her day was.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
We could learn a lot from bees. Organization, productivity, community sacrifice, stinging people who annoy us.......