Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I FINALLY "friended" my girlfriend on Facebook.. You know.. So I could get updates on our relationship status.. :|
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
Sometimes it looks like I’m flashing gang signs, but really I’m just trying to get Scotch tape off my hand.
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
I wonder whether I can trust doctors with dead plants in the waiting room.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
My therapist told me I`m nuts. I said "I wanted a second opinion." She said "Well ok, you`re ugly too."
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY