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I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
Of all the lies I tell, "I was just kidding!" is my favorite.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Did I already do my deja vu joke?
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
Happy Fat Tuesday! Join me again tomorrow on I`m still fat Wednesday
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?