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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I`m no super genius, but I bet the most effective way to lose "baby weight" is to have the baby.
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?