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"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
That son of a b*tch moment when you`re walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
75% of men kiss their wives good bye when leaving the house. 100% kiss their house good bye when leaving their wives.
Good for you, people that do things.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean if you want an autograph or a picture just ask..!
FACT: There’s always room for another cupcake.
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.