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The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning.
When your girlfriend says do what ever you want. Do not do what ever you want!
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Regardless of how much time you think you waste, just know that someone created a very detailed Wikipedia page for Grumpy Cat.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
i wasnt that drunk * "bro, you destroyed my mothers garden while screaming F*CK FARMVILLE!"*
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…