Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
*breaking news music plays* Last thought of the night: Why is now everyone talkin` bout "twerkin`"? Man, that shyt been `round since the days of Hammer pants and spandex shorts!!!!
Hitting the snooze button is like hitting the “Next Episode” button on Netflix… it’s going to happen at least 3 times.
My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter.
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
HR and I apparently disagree on what "debriefed" means.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
If you boil a clown, do you get laughing stock?