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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
If Starbucks delivered, I would be a morning person.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
Things that don`t kill spiders: 1: furniture polish 2: Febreze 3: butter 4: screaming
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?