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Age sure does change your perspective. Lots of things I hated when I was a kid I love now... like having nothing to do, going to bed early, watching the news, spankings.... stuff like that.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
"Hey! Aren`t you that guy from the village people?" - Me, to every cop who pulls me over
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
I`ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I`m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now I’m gonna be up all night worrying.
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener