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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
It`s real cute how pedestrians confuse "right of way" with immortality.
Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
Sometimes saying "F*ck it" is the best decision.