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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
The real problem with this generation is that the cartoons suck.
The hardest part of the job interview is knowing the best moment to lean in for the kiss.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
Things that keep me awake # 408...How do Amish girls know if it’s a romantic candlelit dinner or just regular dinner?
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I robbed a bank yesterday....now the question is, what to do with all that sperm....
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)