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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don`t use words like "East."
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.