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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
Not a day goes by when I don`t try to use The Force.