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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
He said the spark between us was gone..so I tasered him..... Ill ask him again when he wakes up
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
If you really want someone to listen to you, start the conversation with "I shouldn`t be telling you this but ..."
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
Why does it have to be bacon OR sausage?
There are two key elements to success. 1) Never tell anyone everything you know.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
I’m trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.