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People of planet Earth, thank your gods that I`m not in charge of the red button.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
"Three blind mice" is probably the most popular nursery rhyme about animal cruelty
Ladies, don`t say that men never listen... We can tell you every word of what was said during an NFL pregame or in-game broadcast.
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
Wanted a nap but had trouble getting to sleep. So I put on Seeking a Friend for the End of the World. Now 13 hours later, I`m well rested.
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.