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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
Liquid sanity: I call it alcohol..!!
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
I have some jokes about unemployment but they need some work.
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.