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I don`t like surprises so, I never open my Electric Bill or my Bank Statement.
I saw that! - Karma
I`ve been wondering, If poison goes out of date and expires, does it become more or less deadly?
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
"I knew that..." -Me, after every Jeopardy question.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!