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Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Is it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
When people ask how my childhood was, I say "Pretty good, so far."
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Rough day! I have now completed the top 6 things off my to-do list ... Time to go get another six pack I guess.
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
Helping my kid study for her geology exam, and apparently `hard` `classic` and `punk` are not the 3 different types of rock.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.