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My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
The wife and I just got divorced. We split the house ... I got the outside.
i dont have drain bramage.