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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
I made a p@nis out of Legos. A literal c*ck block.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Computer froze? Just press all the keys.
When you upload photos to Fb, i`d appreciate it if you tagged your hot friends ... It makes stalking them MUCH easier, thank you!
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
The first rule of elevator club is don`t talk to other members of elevator club.
I always learn from the mistake of others who take my advice.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.