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My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn`t made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I`m going to start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow at 9PM" everyone is going to be there.
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
The first 5 days after the weekend are always the hardest....
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.