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If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
if ever you need NOTHING, im here for you.
My chiropractor just told me that I`m well adjusted. See? Not everyone thinks I`m a total weirdo...
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Do the other settings on the washer actually do anything?
Maybe if I tilt my head to the side I can understand English – dogs
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
I don`t know why they call it Everclear. I drink that stuff and everything is a blur.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal