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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio
Home alone… Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!
Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I`m now completely lost & 90 miles away from home.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for — in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.