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There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
When your wife`s in labour, never sneak a look at the business end; it`s like watching your favourite pub burn down.
I always wince when someone tells me they’re going to hit the sack.
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
I was born at a very early age.
I hate it when I have guests at my house and they ask "Do you have a bathroom?" No, we poop in the yard.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
At least a stalker is there for you.
Have you ever loved someone so much, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping