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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?" Trainer replies: "Use the ATM"
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I know you`re the instructor but I`ve seen Ghost 47 times so I know for a fact this IS how pottery is made!
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
There`s nothing like hearing the laughter of a baby. Unless it`s 1AM and you`re home alone.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.