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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
There’s always that one person that catches you doing something weird.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
I guess I’ll take my Christmas tree down today.
When the nurse calls my name at the doctor’s office, I like to run through the waiting room like I got called on The Price is Right.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
No matter which path you choose, there will always be some asshole in front of you trying to make a left.
Still haven`t cashed in my winning megamillions ticket...scared the $6 will make my friends treat me different.
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Men at 25 play football. Men at 40 play tennis. Men at 60 play golf. Have you noticed that as you get older your balls get smaller?