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I`m not a doctor but I play one on Match.com
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
How much do those guys who yell in the back of rap songs make? I could totally do that.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
When things get to stressful I hit the jim.......... Beam.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
I`m so broke right now if anybody robbed me they`d just be practicing
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
My wife asked me to load the dishwasher. So I poured her some shots and told her to start drinking. And that`s how the fight started.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s