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Your baby was cute until I realized you’re on the same flight as me. Now your baby is stupid.
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
If at first you don`t succeed, you should have done it my way in the first place.
My grandparents still use encyclopedias to google stuff.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.
The less you know, the more you think you do.