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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those TacoBell hot sauce packets.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
I`ll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter.
awesome collection!