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I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
Happiness is the journey, not the destination, and when you reach your destination, ie; bottom of a beer, you must embark on a new journey, ie; get another beer........
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
I was just thinking, which is the biggest thing I plan on accomplishing today.
Do feminists look under their beds for the boogie woman?
To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
Why be part of the problem when you can be all of it?
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.