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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of the plane...
TEIAM - problem solved
Bumper stickers are helpful for recognizing members of society you do not want to associate with.
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
Flies only live for 24 hours.. Except for the ones that get in your room. Those bastards live forever.
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.