Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s a certain age where you can no longer use the term "Good girl gone bad". It`s more like "Her old a$$ should know better"
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
I need a Shazam app for people I`m supposed to recognize but can`t remember
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
you have lips ….. i have lips …… interesting
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
am a bomb technician...anytime you see me running. Try keep it up
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me