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You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
You are wasting your time reading this status.
Got interrupted downloading the new version of iTunes by a pop up that asked if I wanted to download the even newer version of iTunes.
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
God made men. But sandwiches weren`t going to make themselves. So God made women.
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.