Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
Unless you fell off the treadmill and smacked your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Wife: give me money I want to buy a bra. Husband: you`ve got nothing to put in them. Wife: you wear shorts
If Santa doesn`t bring me something good I`m going to pee in his lap like I did when I was eight.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don`t know who this woman is but she`s my new life coach.