Daily Silly Status

I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy

I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"

You know you are paranoid when you think this joke is about you.

Oh you`re in the shower? Here`s the seven worst songs from your playlist. - shuffle mode

Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.

"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.

The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.

You`re the one who wore a red and yellow scarf to class. So don`t look at me weird for shouting "10 points for gryffindor" when you answer questions cause I know you wanted this. -Bfanch

My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone

I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.

I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.

I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.

My wife says I should use the term "make love" instead of "f*ck.". What the make love is she talking about?

With my eyes. That`s how I roll.

LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up