Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
Tip to get out of jury duty: Begin every answer with “According to the prophecy.”
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.