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The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Researchers claim that the Internet is making us dumber and more impatient. I don`t get it. Moving on.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
Whenever you`re feeling down and in the dumps, just remember...the rest of us have been feeling that way about you too!
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...