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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words... words might hurt me deeply, causing great emotional, mental, and psychological damage leading toward a lowered self-esteem and irregular bowel movements.
Pandas are proof that if you have a cute enough outfit no one will call you fat.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
My wife said to go out and buy something that makes her look hot & sexy for Valentine`s Day! So I got drunk.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
No cowboy in the world can out draw a grandmother pulling a baby picture out of her wallet.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.