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I’m going to start wearing a whistle around my neck, so I can call penalties on people who piss me off.
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
It was so cold that when we milk the cows we got ice cream.
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
I wonder if the earth teases other planets for having no life.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?