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Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
Note to self: Next time, don`t use "continue" as the Safe Word.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
Went looking for camouflage underwear today.....couldn`t find any
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
"With a stroke of a pen your name can live on forever in a quote!... Unknown,
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
I don`t need a New Years Resolution, I`m already awesome!