Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
My new home security sign : "EBOLA QUARANTINE" - Deters salesman, thieves, and neighbors.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
Panick, chaos, anarchy... my work here is done.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
I wonder if birds look at planes and think "man, I`ve really got to hit the gym"
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.