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Never look back. That’s where all the monsters are.
My New Years resolutions are just a list of mixed drinks I haven`t tried yet.
It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
Well, just 8 more hours of Facebook and I can go back to bed. *phew*
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
Doing donuts in the parking lot sounds fun. Eating donuts in the parking lot sounds better.