Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to `Brandy from the club` then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
I enjoy a glass of Wine each night for it`s health benefits! The rest of the bottle is for my flawless dance moves, and to make you look more appealling!
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
I like going into McDonald`s and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.
Pay no attention to the pizza being delivered to the bush outside your bedroom window.
Parenting is a lot like the bar scene: Everyone`s yelling, everything`s sticky, it`s the same music over and over again and occasionally someone pukes somewhere they
If I keep hitting the treadmill like I do every night, in a few weeks maybe I`ll learn to turn on the light when I get up to pee in the dark
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
Let this be known as my Living Will. I do not wish to be cremated. If the Zombie Apocalypse happens I would like to be a part of it.