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I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
Why is it called a "personal trainer", instead of an "exercist"?
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who opens up their Hershey Kisses ever so gently so that the foil doesn’t tear.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
What`s the difference between a Garbanzo Bean and a Chickpea? I never had a Garbanzo Bean on my face.
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
"I`ve had so much coffee, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car."
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.