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Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
I`m in hospital after eating what i thought was onions instead they were daffodil bulbs. Its ok doctors say i will be out in spring.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
A spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down, unless that medicine is insulin.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but your waiter doesn`t really think your choice was excellent.
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
Lay-Z: My rapper name.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe I won`t be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that`s what`s been missing.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!