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No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.