Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
"I can`t wait to nail you later" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there`s really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
I’m trisexual, as in, I’ll try to have sex with you.
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.