Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
ALCOHOL! Giving you the ambition to do anything, while simultaneously taking away your capability to do so.
Online dating is like shopping for a car online... show me the carfax!! I wanna see the history!
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
When I count calories it involves a bunch of multiplication.
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
I don’t have nightmares... I create them for others ;-)
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.