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Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
My life is a result of "it seemed like a good idea at the time."
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
I mostly use Facebook to remember why I stopped hanging out with certain people.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.