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I`m boycotting Kix cereal because of all that kid testing.
I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
I should run for political office just to see what kind of scandalous dirt they dig up. It would be nice to piece together my twenties.
I’m late for a disappointment.
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering
tried being normal. Didn`t like the feeling, so I`m going back to being ME.
I hate it when people pour my cereal. They don`t know how much I want. They don`t know my life. They don`t know what I`ve been through.
I feel like I am losing my mind !!! But as long as I can keep the bit that tells me when to pee, I should be OK !!
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Just another day of not being rich and famous.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.