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The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
Chicken salad with egg in it is my fave way to eat two generations.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
Just hung a picture. I nailed it.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.